7 February 2012, 2:48 pm
Im a 13 year old girl, and my mom lost her job three years ago, but for the past five years shes been obsessed with arts and crafts. They barely bring in enough money for shopping for new clothes (I haven't bought new clothes since last june) and all she does is knit all day and make jewlery. This barely makes money and she tells me she is looking for jobs but every month I check her computors history, and not one job search. She spends more on supplies than she earns. I had to move out of our apartment and in with my dad, and we share a room. One room is for her jewlery and knitting and art supplies, which is a bedroom, and the other is where we sleep and most of my stuff is still in storage and in boxes down in the living room. The house isn't big, its a townhouse and my dad sleeps in the living room downstairs. I only have a bed and a desk which I cant use because my books and schoolbooks are on it. I can't go into her "work" room because she yells at me to get out if I ask about jobs or anything. She can tell me to get out of that room, and even the room we sleep in if she wants to. It isn't even her house and I only have a room to stay in, while she takes up a whole room with her supplies. It's only temporary she says, but it's been three years and all she does is make excuses and tell me it's none of my buisness about jobs or money. She doesnt tell me when we're moving. I recently asked her if we were able to go on vacation and she said no because my aunt's court money hasnt come yet (she's sueing) and she was relying on my aunt for money. Then I ask what I can do to help get the money or if theres anything saved up, all in a calm voice, and she yells at me everytime I ask and about ten tries later she says she isn't using that money for a trip. If she gets money, she spends iI asked her if we could visit our cousins in England in October and she said "we'll see if I get money" and now, almost a three months from the trip date, she says probably not. I haven;t been out of the state or country in about six years, and I just wanted one week of a vacation and she yells at me no and tells me I'm getting her angry and yells at me to get out. My dad always does impressions of her yelling at me, which he thinks is funny, but inside I feel like dying. I always look for ways to earn money to move back to my old town or ways to save up for boarding school because I can't stay here another year. I ask her about jobs or I ask if she looked at the job application I sent her, she yells at me no and it's not my buisiness how much money we have or if she gets a job. She says "Im the mother, your the child" and yells at how I'm annoying and how I get her angry. I never yell at her or anything, I always ask nicely and calmly. Everyday I cry in my room. I have no siblings, even though I want one so bad so I don't feel lonely every day. I pray to God, I play the lottery, I look for ways to earn money, but nothing happens. I start wondering if God really does exist because if he did, he would help me. I've often thought of killing myself or calling Child Services because she can't support me that well financially or emotionally. When she sees me cry she has this disgusted look on her face and asks why I'm crying. I always tell her it's her she's supposed to get a job and take care of me, and everytime she says "Im not SUPPOSED to do anything. Nobody is SUPPOSED to do anything." My dad talks to her every now and then but she never changes. Now she doesn't even feel like cooking or taking me to school anymore and lays in bed. Most of the time my dad takes me now and I cook for myself. Everytime she comes into the room, it's to yell at me to pick up something from the floor or to clean or do something, and then leaves to go do something on her computor. Why does she hate me? Why doesn't she think that getting a job isn't important? I know that "everyone is struggling", but I know that I'm poor. Most of my clothes are ripped inside and I ask her to fix them, but if we have an argument, she doesn't and says "see what happens when you don't listen to me?" I never work up the courage to tell her how I feel. She thinks I make myself upset and I should stop thinking about myself. If I'm late to school, its because we fight in the morning. I always stand by the car to ask my dad if we can drive because its freezing everyday, and he just keeps walking, not even pausing to look at me, and says in a deep annoyed voice "NO." I never ask him for anything because back in my old town he only visited on weekends, and I never built that sort of bond with him. I go to his old school so he gets mad if I'm late or get an 80% even though I'm in honors. If I ask for anything, he yells and says "simple as that." My mom says "every... Read More »
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